Time Passes
by amaXdear
Summary: Maybe he fell in love with her when they left to search for the man who killed her mother.  Or maybe it was the day she helped him find his.  Zutara. Rating for intense scenes later on.
1. Chapter 1

Maybe he fell in love with her when they left to search for the man that killed her mother. Thinking back, Zuko decides that's probably it. He always knew that she felt deeply, and he had learned in the catacombs that her pain and anger were raw, completely at odds with her normal calm demeanor. Still, there was something different about those days.

She was cracks in a glacier, strong but fragile, and, he believes, achingly, painfully beautiful. She left a girl-a mature, motherly girl, but no more-and came back a woman. He respected her as an equal, perhaps as a better.

After that, it was very simple for her to become one of the most important people in his life. It had been so long since he had someone to fight at his back, and she fit, perfectly, and there was no need to ask. He would give his life for her, she was willing to kill for him-but she knew, when he didn't, that to kill his sister would be to kill some part of him as well. He didn't know how, but she knew.

For some reason, Zuko thought that they would just fall into place. He never questioned that assumption, never even considered it, it just snuck into the back of his mind and grew like vines, fed by the water of her blue-river eyes and refusing to be burned away. She smiled at him and held his hand as they sat in the palace, waiting for news, any news, and it was only a matter of time.

But then-then Mai was there, and time had given up. Of course, he thought, how stupid of him. Of course it was Mai, because Mai was easier. Katara was cracks in a glacier and roaring rip tides and still waters running deep, and Mai was the frozen pond that wouldn't melt below his feet. He could be with Mai, but he was no good with water. Aang was the one who had mastered waterbending, he was the one who could love Katara properly.

Of course.

Time passed.

She was still the most important person in his life.

Mai was The One, but Katara was Another One, another letter to be sent out because the South Pole was very far away, like Ba Sing Se or Kyoshi Island, the far corners of the Earth that they had all scattered to when they were no longer bound on a bison's back. Katara or Sokka or Aang or Toph or Suki, the only difference was the name at the top. Mai didn't know that Katara's letter was always a page and a half longer than the others, and if she _had_ known, she wouldn't have cared.

There was nothing odd about that, he would have told her but contented in telling himself. Katara was smart, a natural born diplomat if one didn't hit her weak spots, and she was the daughter of a chief, a valuable ally. He wanted her advice and her insight, and that was why he felt the need to spill out his heart at every turn. That was all.

But time passes.


	2. Chapter 2

It starts when Mai tells him to give up. He is twenty-one. It has been five years since his coronation, four years since his father confessed that his mother was banished to, of all places, the Western Air temple, three and a half years since she was traced to the mainland Earth Kingdom. He hasn't found her. Rewards have been announced and posters sent out, the Kyoshi warriors have offered their services and given up, because they are needed elsewhere and there is nothing they can do.

Zuko is hiding it, but he has become obsessed. His mother haunts his dreams and his waking hours, and finally, he breaks down and tells Mai, hoping for sympathy. Mai is impatient. She had expected to be Fire Lady by now, only to be told that Zuko would like it if one member of his immediate family, just _one_, could see him wed. Mai is fed up, and she tells him to lose hope.

"It's been too long, Zuko," she says. "If she wanted to come back, she would have by now."

Because she really does love him, and she really tries to make him happy, she softens her voice and hesitates before suggesting that possibly his mother is dead.

"Maybe… you should just give up. Move on."

He can't do that, because for eleven years he's had _her_ whispering in his head, _that's who you are, someone who keeps fighting even though it's hard_, and in the past few years it's been mixed in with _you were there for me when I didn't even know I needed you, and I'll never forget that_, shining eyes and gratitude and the only person who cried and hugged him closely when she had to leave for home.

He tells Mai,_ I will never, ever give up on someone I love!_

And he can hear her heart break as he walks away, because he has long since given up on trying to make her understand.

He writes to Katara, like he always does, but this time he doesn't ask for advice, he asks her to give him hope. Of all people, she can understand that. He wants a letter full of sympathy and kind words, stories of her mother in the ice and snow, and encouragement.

But Katara knows him better than he knows himself, so she knows it's not words he needs. He needs her to come flying in on Appa two days later at twilight, dressed in black and ready with a tight hug. She whispers in his ear that they'll leave at midnight and find his mother themselves, that she's brought his uncle along to take care of court matters while he's gone, and Zuko is stunned but all he can say is _thank you_.

They leave at midnight, as planned. Appa is being held outside the city, because the last time he visited he had seen firebenders training, and fallen back into his war-standard methods of roaring scarily and jumping into the middle of the action. They want to avoid that this time, and on the way to the clearing they pass Mai's house.

She is standing on the steps, waiting for them. She doesn't say a word. She walks down the steps and slaps Zuko across the face (because really, she's not that mad or surprised, she just wants him to know that she is not pleased) and goes back inside. Unbelievably (but he believes it), _she_ looks betrayed.

"She… doesn't understand."

Katara puts a hand on his shoulder. "I do."


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so sorry for the delay. I just got back from a short vacation and I completely forgot that I wouldn't have internet until about an hour after I left. Although maybe it's for the best... you're going to hate me.**

* * *

It takes so long to find her. Zuko's not a fool, he knew from the beginning that it would take a long time, but when he finally finds her he thinks over how long its been, how much he's missed her, and he can't believe it. He touches the headstone that marks her grave and bows his head, and thinks disconnected thoughts about time and love and infinity. There is incense, but he doesn't light it.

She died six months ago. Six months before he found her. After all that time, he just barely misses his mother. He can't wrap his head around it.

Six months ago, while giving birth to her second son, her fourth child. He always thought of her as _his_ mother, barely Azula's and no one else's, but he is forced to see the truth. He looks into the gold eyes of Amha and Bataar, and cannot deny that they are her children. How foolish of him, to think that she could stop being a mother as easily as she had stopped being a princess. _Never forget who you are_.

Zuko tells Gengi that he and Tala (of course she wouldn't go by Ursa, not here in the middle of the Earth Kingdom nowhere) were separated by the war. Mothers lost their sons all the time in the war, and the man is kind. He understands. The same grief is reflected in their green and gold eyes, and he pulls Zuko into a fatherly embrace that knocks the breath and words from him. For once, Katara doesn't know what to do.

Gengi invites them to stay the night, and Amha is fascinated by everything about Zuko. She doesn't notice his grief or his scar, she is too busy asking questions about Appa and Katara and the whole world. She is six years old, and despite himself he loses a little part of his heart to her. This is a little sister who will never try to kill him.

Bataar is so young, but Zuko doesn't know how to look at him. This is the son Ursa died for, while Zuko is the one she killed for. Zuko's never had nor wanted a brother before, but he feels an instant bond with the child and it scares him. Katara holds the boy as often as she can in their one night stay. As Gengi cleans the dishes from dinner, she whispers in Zuko's ear that Bataar looks just like him.

"I don't look like my mother, though," he tells her, confused. She shrugs.

He can't ask Gengi, this simple farmer, to come back to the Fire Nation palace, as dearly as he wants to, just so he can indulge in the selfish pleasure of being a big brother all over again. But he does ask if he can visit them here again, only occasionally, and send letters when they're old enough to read. Hesitation clouds Gengi's voice, but he agrees. Zuko knows that the little family will be happier without this stranger with his scar and his baggage and his memories of their lost mother, and he regrets asking.

The farmhouse is small, in the middle of nowhere but wheat, and he and Katara sleep on makeshift pallets in the sitting room. They can hear Gengi tossing and turning on the upper floor, and Bataar crying sporadically throughout the night. Katara is a heavy sleeper and it doesn't bother her, but she reaches over and places her hand on top of his before she goes to sleep.

Zuko waits until one or perhaps two in the morning, when Bataar and Gengi are both sound asleep. He slips his hand from Katara's, and walks out of the house. He walks far, more than half a mile away, before he stops and draws his swords. He tells himself it's practice, slicing wheat and trees and anything he can find, before stabbing the ground repeatedly.

Zuko falls. His knees hit the ground and he screams. He screams until his throat as raw, and it's not enough. Fire roars from his jaw and he pounds the ground, wanting something immovable to just _give way, dammit_, if he can't fight fate then can't he fight something else? His fingernails dig into the dirt.

For the first time he can remember, Zuko gives in not just to the tears but to great wracking sobs that consume his whole body, burn his lungs, tear the tender flesh of his throat. The wind whips at his screams and sobs.

It doesn't take long for a warm hand to rest on his shoulder. When he doesn't turn, she kneels at his side and slips her other hand around. She moves him, pulls him away from the tug of wind and offers him her entire self. He accepts it, opens himself to her, clutches at the fabric of her clothes and presses his body to hers. Katara is not immovable, she gives way to him in his grief. A sob wants to escape from her as she too thinks of her mother, but she holds it back, letting it stray only far enough to let him know that she understands. She wipes the tears from his face. Soft hands.

He rests his head on her collarbone and she holds them there. The stars capture her attention. She won't look at him, she knows he will be embarrassed and will conveniently forget about this in twelve hours, but she will never stop. Silently, her own tears fall. Ashamed, she holds him tighter.

Time passes, and the sun rises.

She is now the most important woman in his life.


End file.
